Jaayyyzz

for you all who thinks they know me. you guys all love to judge me from my past so ill entertain you with a story. 3 years ago i met a girl that look innocent and a cute and drove a standard rsx. she was in a abusive relationship so i figured id try help her out. before this girl i never did have a steady relationship. but that all changed when i met her. i put my self out there for this girl. our first date was at anna millers and her bird died that day so she was sad. she ordered chicken katsu and we also watched national treasure 2. this relationship continued and she would hurt me constantly. i would catch her being in places she shouldnt be. yet i still fought for her. when i would think i had her she would leave. at first my friends my friends would tease me saying shes no good and whatever. but i still fought for her. and my friends always just supported the decisions i made no matter if it was bad. they wouldnt stop talking to me cause i dont listen or whatever. they were true friends. they was even there when i was gonna fuck up her ex cause he keyed my 24 thousand dollar car. all i did was try to support her and i always ended up getting fucked over. i got a tsx with key marks around the whole car to remind me. then after we was all good she had a thing w/ her co worker. i tried so hard to fight for her and in the end i ended up letting her go. some how she realized i was important and we got back together. after that i ended up caring less. after all she put me through i put up a high wall. i started becoming bittersweet. she came to her senses and became a good girl i knew she could be. but in the process i started losing my self. i met new friends and she didnt like that. all she wanted to do was keep me lock down and i started to rebel. its hard to keep a 21 year old in check. she wanted to settle down and i wanted to go out and party. i can say i lost my way. i let alcohol take over my life and it fucked us up. i mean i didnt cheat on her or abuse her  or anything but i put unimportant things ahead of her. and realizing losing her forever made me see the light. i didnt wanna lose my first real love. i didnt wanna lose the girl i brought home to my parents. the girl my mom is jealous of cause she thinks she gonna lose me to her. i didnt wanna lose the one girl who can keep me in check. i didnt wanna start over with another girl to end up doing all the same things i did with her. you guys all judge me for the things i do when were not together but do you guys know about us sleeping on the phone. do you guys know about me driving to her house every night to bring her food. even though i work in kailua and she lives in kapolei. do you guys know about our video chats every night. do you guys know about how i dodge everyones calls even though they ask me to go out every night so i can talk to her at night. do you guys know about me getting her everything she wants. do you guys know im scared to face her brother. because how i fucked up. do you guys know i dont hate him. and im just jealous of him cause she treats him so good and he use to take her for granted. do you guys know i was gonna appolgize to her cousin for hurting her. and to tell him that he can punch my face if i ever hurt her again. do you guys know i paid her dad 40 dollars for 15 dollar door jams and wrote him a sorry note for forgeting to pay. do you guys know the knife her mom gave me is the knife i use daily and keep sharp even though i have a million knives for work. do you guys know everything i sacrificed for her and was willing to sacrifice. do you guys know i remind her everyday to go to the doctor cause she has a long time illness. do you guys know in the last month we started talking i must of cried a million times. if im so fake and such a douche why am i writing this. why do i cry for her and give up my pride for her just so she can get everything her way. does a fake person do this much. so heres a quote for you. “memories is reminder of all the good & bad things from the past that helps mold a relationship into a better future.” so before you judge me again think twice.